Seeing penguins in Koreatown

For Valentine’s day my husband gave me the perfect gift: we went to an exquisite luxury spa in Koreatown to each enjoy a pampering evening of rejuvenation. Aura Wellness Spa features what they call “Therapeutic Grottos for healing and relaxation”. In other words, three or four igloo shaped ovens at lobster boiling hot temperature, and an igloo shaped refrigerator at Arctic cold temperature.

Once we overcame the mirage effects and managed to stop discussing Kosovo’s independence with lions and penguins, we relaxed, feeling like jello and had fun, an indescribable jello-type of fun. We also met a guy and got some travel tips for Miami and Florida (who says new yorkers are rude? And I swear he was not part of the penguin gang). We ended up talking about Slovakia, his girlfriend's home country. I was tempted to utter that European joke that goes: “the most important thing to know about Slovakia is that it’s not Slovenia”, but I wasn’t sure he would have appreciated the inside humour. Even if I had told him that the joke works the other way around too, when speaking of Slovenia...

After a short while, we were brought to the area where an intense massage began. I'm no stranger to shiatsu massage but when I saw the Korean masseuse climbing on top of me I knew something was up. She could barely speak English. The only word she said was “TENSION” when she first squeezed my neck muscles. Next thing I know, I was no longer a spa client. I was her piece of meat. She made the utmost use of her masochist skills on my right shoulder, punching, spanking, smacking and elbowing all the knots in my muscles. At that point the flock of penguins was back.

I was glad to go home with my right shoulder. I am glad my Korean torturer did not keep it as a souvenir. The next day I walked around town like a zombie, true, but a healthy and relaxed one. After all, we hope this is going to become our monthly torture ritual.